FAQ

Why the death penalty is an abomination before God--

2011-09-25T14:29:00.002-04:00

I'll start by saying that it doesn't matter one wit whether the person is guilty. And it doesn't really matter whether you believe the bible or not. This is one of those things that's a matter of logic--the bible says this, so the death penalty is evil. You can reach my conclusion even if you think the bible is a fairy tale. You just need to take it seriously as literature.

I guess a prerequisite for thinking about this is reading the bible like you have a brain. So, don't just say "well, the bible says 'eye for an eye'". That was written (according to the Talmud) as a rule to keep people from going too far. If someone pokes out your eye, you can't kill them. It was an upper bound. This is what centuries of serious Jewish thinking has concluded.

So, what does that leave? Well, you have to interpret the death penalty in the context of the thrust and meaning of the bible. And the bible, above else, is really the story (ies) of redemption and rescue. Look at the story Joseph and his brothers. They sold him into slavery. Their own brother. (Apparently, he was kind of a prick, but you still can't do that.) Then they turn up in Egypt starving, and what does Joseph do? He doesn't say "Oh, well, I'd like to help you out, but you know how an eye for an eye works. Sorry. Off with their heads"

No, he embraces them as his brothers and forgives them.

When we as a society kill someone, we really are robbing them of a chance at redemption. Redemption is God's business and we have no right to deny that. It's really evil at its core. That's the bottom line for evil. We make our own judgment a substitute for God's order.

So, where is MIke?

2011-06-07T19:19:00.002-04:00

As most of you know, I've set sail for a new job and home, at UAB. As you may know, I'm living on a lake, and that is working out great. It's 67 miles to work--about 45 are on the interstate and 15 are on country roads. About 7 are in congested areas. the whole thing seems to take 75 minutes consistently-- with sirius radio and flexibility about when I go, it seems pretty easy. I would anticipate going about 3 days per week.

the lake is lovely; the water, quite refreshing. Brother Cadfael the corgi is exhausted from swimming, running in the creek, chasing squirrels and frogs. so he seems very happy. Hannah and I are enjoying as well. The house is a nice size and a good fit for the summer and beyond.

As for my job, it's a little overwhelming. The idea that I can spend money is taking some getting used to. My department bought me new furniture for my office but I'm moving across the hall to an office with a window. And I'm getting new furniture again. There are three new faculty members (myself included) this fall. given the state of the academic economy, that's pretty amazing.

I'm not teaching in the fall, but I'd like to start a tradition of (basic) math bootcamp. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that starting this fall--

Mary and some of the other kids are coming in about two weeks--I think the lake is warm enough that even Mary will be able to swim!

Will post some pictures shortly...

Why I still Believe in Christmas

2010-12-20T11:41:00.001-05:00

Indeed, my own faith, Christianity, has harmed the world in many ways over the centuries, and one fears more is to come. Some Christians hope for the end of the world, looking forward to the time when the godless “get what’s coming to them”. That Christianity and other religions are the source of so much division is enough to make anyone despair.

Can the Christmas season bring us some relief? At first glance, perhaps not. The orgy of consumerism seemingly swamps the season’s small, quiet acts of kindness. Noisy zealots ironically wage war in the name of Christmas, fearing public menorah may steal the spotlight from the Christmas tree.

Furthermore, parts of the Christmas story itself strain the credulity of an educated person. God sent his son to the world to share in our struggles. If that’s the case, why did his son arrive in a way no one before or after has used (via the virgin birth)? Parts of the story just make no sense. As Jesus grew, his parents were often surprised by his actions. Honestly, if I had a child without having sex and had been visited by angels warning me in advance, nothing that child did subsequently would be surprising. So, even at Christmas time, there are parts of the story that are a bit hard to swallow.

There is, however, a part of the story to which I desperately cling. It is the story of a young Jewish girl, pregnant and afraid, in a strange place with no where to lay her head. How could a God that made the universe care about someone so insignificant? Why did God choose that woman to bring his child into the world? What could such a powerful God have in common with those so powerless? It is this God who gives me hope. I believe this God cares about me and gives me hope that I might one day be more like his Son and his mother.

In Luke 2 (verse 50ff) , the blessed Mary proclaims

“His mercy extends to those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

52He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but has lifted up the humble.

53He has filled the hungry with good things

but has sent the rich away empty.

54He has helped his servant Israel,

remembering to be merciful

55to Abraham and his descendants forever,

even as he said to our fathers."”

This story is one of mercy and justice—a story of hope for a better tomorrow.

Are there alternative sources of such hope? Perhaps humans might perfect themselves over the time. If the past year has been bad for religion, it’s been ever worse for this hope. Rather than rejoicing in their freedom, Iraqis turned on each other to settle old scores. Warring factions in Africa turn children into soldiers and commit unspeakable acts against their families. Those who hope that human beings will learn from their mistakes and will renounce violence and selfishness see trends in world events that are hidden from me.

Perhaps science is a source of hope. I’m not one of those who fear science and religion are in conflict. I do feel, however, that science is more the road than the destination. The wonders of the human body and the world around us don’t make me wonder whether God exists. Rather they make me humble.

So, I cling to the hope that Christmas and the one it honors can make me better. My hope for the world is that all religions will contribute positively to the world in the coming year. I hope in the coming year we find fewer hungry people and fewer rich people who take their blessings for granted. My hope is that the powerful of the world will spend more time lifting up the poor than trampling them. I hope that you can come to embody the best of whatever religion that is meaningful to you. For me, I hope that I can better embody Mary’s spirit of servanthood and humility.

December 2006

House G.O.P. Leader Signals He’s Open to Obama Tax Cut - NYTimes.com

2010-09-12T14:20:00.000-04:00

House G.O.P. Leader Signals He’s Open to Obama Tax Cut - NYTimes.com

The GOP really does hold the key to moving the country forward....

What are you six rules for your kids going to college?

2010-08-01T09:09:00.000-04:00

Thanks, hannah, for asking.
These rules are based on working on a college campus for all my adult life.

1) Be Safe
Universities do a good job hiding how many college students are victimized in one way or another.
Please be safe. Don't be embarrassed to call for the escort service.

2) No Greek life until junior year or beyond.
Not a comment on the activity per se , but there's no question that it insulates a student from the rest of campus life. Get your feet go and wet before you decide to go that route. (It's insane universities allow freshman to rush. They've not been there an entire semester--they have idea what the university is about.)

3) Live on campus through junior year.
As best I can tell, a lot of the bad stuff that happens to college students happens in off-campus housing.
Stay on campus--when else are you going to have that chance? If you must, get an apartment as a senior--a reasonable way to transition into post-college life.

4) Go to church or related activity 5 times per semester for freshman year.
Part of becoming an adult is learning what you do or don't believe. Don't just slide out of church through sleeping in on sundays.

5) If you get in trouble for alcohol + cars, you're coming home.
You're coming home the moment I find out. You then will work in the most lousy job I can find.
My first choice for you is
http://www.poopyscoopync.com/
Then you will pay me for room and board.

6) Pick your friends as well as you have done while living at home.
That will go a long way toward taking care of the other rules.

Also considered
-Take calculus. For god's sake, every educated person should know one of the great human accomplishments.
- Spend a year abroad. (Good idea--doesn't seem like it needs to be a rule)

I'm genuinely befuddled--what is the big deal with gay marriage?

2009-12-02T16:27:00.002-05:00

I just do not get it. In a country where half of marriages end in divorce (and the rate is higher among conservative Christians), I just do not understand why people are so up in arms about gay marriage. The consequences for children, research suggests, are benign. That's my experience, too. When I know kids that have two moms, they generally work it out like "one is is mom and one is mommy. problem solved".

And in terms of legal rights, it's appalling that basic civil rights are denied to gap couples.

And as for the church's involvement with marriage, that's something of the last couple of centuries. For a long time in Europe, marriages were strictly a civil issue.

My own preference would be to just separate the church ceremony from legal issues, and let those who believe have church weddings. God, the number of people who don't give a crap about the Church who get married in church is a lot worse than having two devoted gap people who are devout married in the church building. And don't get me started on the number of unmarried couples who get married in church. I don't want to be a prude, but the Bible has a lot more to say about fornicating than gay issues, that's for sure.

45) Why is the death penalty wrong even for Malvo and KSH?

2009-11-23T09:13:00.002-05:00

Here's the reason. Bishop Kalistos of the eastern Orthodox church puts it well. (I've been reading more about the desert fathers and so was reading his book.) He says

Because he or she is an icon of God, each member of the human race, even the
most sinful, if infinitely precious in God's sight. "When you see your
brother or sister", said Clement of Alexandria, "you see God". And
Evagrius taught: "After God himself, we must count everyone as God Himself".

Really, you can't forfeit this inherent value, and you certainly can't take it from someone else.

As for KSH, what I'd do is stick him a cell for the rest of his miserable life. But the special cell would be lacquered with all of the peaceful things Muhammad had to say about the Jews and their status as God's protected people.

KSH is as good an advertisement for Islam as Pat Robertson is for Christianity.

41) What do you want to be when you grow up?

2009-02-22T08:59:00.002-05:00

Robert Jarvik recently wrote of his mentor, Willem Kolff, who had passed away:

In 1971, after my first two years at medical school, Dr. Willem Kolff, who died Feb. 11 at 97, hired me to work on the artificial-heart project at the University of Utah. On my first day, he instructed me to create a new heart design that would keep an animal alive longer than any earlier models had.

Previous designs had failed, he explained, because they did not fit anatomically. And that was all he said. He told me what to do but not how to do it. That was Dr. Kolff's forte: finding enthusiastic people, laying out his visions and then leaving them to their own devices.
Dr. Kolff, who was one of the founders of the American Society for Artificial Internal Organs, encouraged scores of people to turn their attention to creating mechanical hearts, electronic devices that restore hearing and vision, artificial arms and more. He believed that bioengineering could one day provide a substitute for almost every organ in the body.

What could not be replaced, however, was Dr. Kolff himself, who possessed energy, Old World charm and a grand, guiding vision. I count myself among the many inventors, engineers and doctors who worked with him and will never forget his indomitable spirit.

(Jarvik apparently didn't get the pun on the word "devices"--maybe he did.)

I would just add "leaving them to their own devices" and providing them with some resources, financial and intellectual.

What are those resources? (more)

40) What is a good mentor? (in progress)

2008-11-23T18:11:00.002-05:00

I claim no special expertise as a mentor but do have an interest in helping junior scholars. I know I have benefited from a good deal of mentoring over the years.

so, what is mentoring? If one looks at the popular literature on business mentoring, I think it's a mix
of (i) collaboration; (ii) guidance; (iii) empowerment and (iv) friendship.

Really, if you're a junior person, no single person can provide

What are the barriers?
- The things that make me a good mentor also work against being a mentor. Namely, as I get older and get more experience, I find that people begin to react more to my position and experience than to what I'm actually saying. I find that I can come across as a bully even when it's not intended. I recently told a student, "This [the statistical plan in the dissertation] just makes no sense, and if you want to go ahead with it, you should just boot me off. I won't be offended." I was being honest. Really, if the advisor thinks it makes sense, then it's ok with me. I just don't want to be involved. I'm just being me, but I know it comes across in a different way than it did when I was an assistant professor.

- one problem really involves failures on the part of the mentees. Mentor-mentee relationships are dyadic. So, not all failures are the part of the mentee. Really, like any other area of life, some people just have to learn the hard way. Young people who are used to excelling can find it hard to take assistance.

As a journal assoc. editor, my notes to junior authors are always direct. Some write back and say "thank you--I'm really going to take your comments seriously when I submit to another journal". I always write back say "that fix-it attitude is going to take you a long way in the business". As with the rest of life, there are those poeple who would rather sulk.

- some of the roles really are in conflict with each other. At times, it's hard to provide realistic feeback and maintain friendships. At times, good advice doesn't generate warm fuzzies on the part of the hearer.

And then there is the issue that the hearer can take negative feedback personally. For example, if I tell a junior person that "You're not gong to advance writing one paper every other year", it's not meant personally. He or she is not disappointing me personally. But it's like a law of gravity--if one doesn't write papers, then the consequences are as predictable as gravity. It's not personal.

And then in some instances, some aspects of mentoring are just not possible. It's going to be hard for me to collaborate with a person who does research on the aging. And some junior people have interests that would fit on a postage stamp. (The profession probably generates a focus paranoia on the part of junior people, a story for another day.)

Another tricky issue--a good mentor keeps developmental processes in mind. A good mentor puts mentees in a position to stand on their own. I fear I have a problem with breeding "Mike depency". My goal as a mentor is not to serve as a permanent resource. An individual gets a suitable amount of resources and then I cut them loose (or try). I feel like there are new groups of junior people who need my assistance. For them to get it, the earlier mentees need to move on.

39) in what ways has cancer changed your thinking?

2008-11-17T20:02:00.002-05:00

I guess it's a tie.
1) assisted suicide

I definitely was in favor of it and remain so, but I can see all sorts of problems now.
Basically, you want to do it before you get too ill or rather too close to being too ill. If you wait too long, you leave your relatives with a hard task to accomplish. And of course, if you don't wait too long, you run the risk of leaving too soon.

and then there's the wrinkle of one's spouse and relatives. Following the paths of others with cancer, it seems clear that spouses can have different ideas about the proper course. In some instances, the spouse thinks the person with cancer should "tough it out". "How can you leave me?"

What a mess.

2) survivor's guilt
boy, I'd heard soliders speak of this, but I never "got it". Before I felt like, "gee, why would you feel bad about something that didn't happen to you? Heck, what good would it do the dead guy for you to be dead, too".

I don't know what it is, but to see others with cancer get a much tougher hand to play just leaves you feeling empty. I don't know how to describe it. Just somehow, it doesn't seem so unfair that I have cancer. What seems so unfair is that I've got it but am playing a better hand than others. Maybe it's the bond you feel with the other folks with cancer. I don't know how to describe it. But it's a damn empty feeling.

Some of it is that it is frightening. You realize that "hey, that could be me", which morphs into "Hey, that will be me".

I guess to say cancer has changed my thinking would include that it has confused it.

38) [Barack O] Is america post-racial?

2008-11-11T09:21:00.002-05:00

Thanks, BO, for stopping by my blog--I know you must be busy....

That America elected a black man as president is surely astounding. I’m middle aged, and I never thought it would happen in my lifetime. Commentators are now wondering whether America has indeed become a “post-racial” society. Such a declaration of victory, however, would be premature, to say the least. Race still matters a great deal in terms of the lived experience of America’s citizens. We’ve taken a step in the right direction, but the journey to a post-racial society continues.

Is there evidence to support my claim? Such evidence abounds. Just start with Barrack Obama’s peers. Black men are still marginalized in our society. About one in three men of Obama’s age have been incarcerated. Only one in five, however, have a college degree. Only one in fifty have a professional degree like Obama. Indeed by any standard, Obama is a statistical aberration. By any standard, he is extraordinary.

But perhaps we can depend on the role of race to dissolve going forward. A variety of factors suggest that such hopes are wishful thinking. Black children are still twice as likely to be poor in any given year. And the picture only gets worse if we look at deeper disadvantages. They are three times as likely as white children to live in families whose income is less than half of that required to escape poverty. And when they are poor, black children spend longer periods in poverty.

Nonetheless, perhaps educational opportunities will dissolve these differences. That, too, is unlikely. Currently, the gap in educational opportunities creates differences in possibilities for children of different colors that will last for at least another generation. Researchers at the Brookings Institution report that “in contrast to European and Asian nations that fund schools centrally and equally, the wealthiest 10 percent of U.S. school districts spend nearly 10 times more than the poorest 10 percent, and spending ratios of 3 to 1 are common within states”.

But what about access to higher education? Aren’t programs like the Carolina Promise making a difference? Black enrollment in higher education may be rising, but minorities are under-represented, especially at the highest tier of institutions. Only about 10% of the class of 2008 at UNC is African-American. This percentage is less than half of the percentage of the state’s population that is African-American.

Well, perhaps the youth are faring better when we look at other dimensions? Perhaps the racial difference in criminal justice involvement is shrinking over time. North Carolina Department of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention data, however, reveal that African American youth were twice as likely to be involved in the juvenile justice system. What about other public systems, such as the child welfare system? One again finds over-representation of African-American youth. In North Carolina, black children are twice as likely to be involved in child welfare as white children.

There are a variety of explanations for these differences and what they represent. A good portion of the difference reflects opportunity. Social scientists can demonstrate that when one compares like with like—i.e., poor children living in households headed by high school dropouts—black children fare as well as if not better than their white counterparts. The story is complicated, and some of the difference is unexplained. But opportunity clearly plays a key role.

Some of these differences in opportunity are beyond the control of policy makers. Their ability to stimulate couples of any color to marry, for example, is rather limited. However, some key factors do reflect policy choices. For example, a punitive juvenile justice system that offers little or no rehabilitation or education is one that will penalize individuals but also only preserve racial differences in our society. Other public systems, such as child welfare, play a similar role in preserving a society where race matters. Continued reliance on property taxes as the base for school funding contributes as well.

Still, all is not lost. The proverbial glass is indeed half full, but the appearance of progress is defined partly by our society’s dreadful track record in dealing with race. Obama’s election is a good sign. What it tells me is that when a black youth gets an opportunity, he or she can succeed. However, Obama is clearly an extraordinary person. What his election reveals is that it is still the unusual black youth to overcome the mountain of disadvantages that our society puts between him or her and success.

So, America is not post-racial, but we did take an important step. America, however, will only be post-racial when the average white voter looks at a poor black child—any poor black child—and thinks “hey, that kid might be our next president”. We’re not there yet.

37) [Andrew Young] What does Obama's election mean to you?

2008-11-08T14:08:00.005-05:00

I was just astounded by the effect the election has had on me.

Part of it, I think, is the end of embarrassment about being American. The last eight years have been just dreadful. Anyway you slice it, starting a war justified with lies that resulted in 600,000 people killed is worse than 9/11. Maybe it's not wise to say it, but the world would have been better off with 3,000 more dead Americans than hundreds of thousands of dead people. Not that we deserved 9/11--but the people of Iraq didn't deserve that war either.

But I think what has happened is that I've gotten healing about race relations, something I've been pained about all my life. I was raised a Virginian. Maybe it's like being a Texan, but when you're raised in Richmond, your heroes are Patrick Henry, Thomas Jefferson, James Mason, James Madison and George Washington. I was really raised to worship those men. I went to their homes when I was a boy, visited the great sites (like the church where PH gave the "give me liberty or give me death" speech, etc. I also went to school in Colonial Williamsburg.

And of course, living in the South, I got a big dose of the Civil War as well. I took away a veneration for Lee but I also took away a sense of the violence of it, too. There's some old Clint Eastwood movie where he gets his leg amputated with a hack saw. I dunno. I've always been fixated on the violence part of it.

I know that race has been the big scar on our history. If you read history, you know the founding fathers were tormented by race as well but they just couldn't bring themselves to do the right thing.

I also had a lot of personal experience with race relations in the South. I remember as a boy working on my grandmother's farm, side by side with black kids. There were also hired men that worked on the farm. My grandmother had a good relationship with them, but there was always the barrier of race. We'd all sit down to eat a lunch during a day working on the farm, but the black men couldn't eat in the house. They ate out in the yard. My grandmother would say they smelled. But heck, even as a kid I knew they didn't have running water in their homes.

And I remember going into a department store in Richmond that had two identical water fountains. The days of "black only" and "white only" signs were gone. But even as a kid, I knew what the fountains were for.

And I remember when Richmond's schools were integrated in the 70s. My parents took me to look at private schools. I guess some of it was that they didn't want me to ride the bus 45 minutes each way to school. But race had to play a role.

I'm sure it all affected me in a 1,000 ways I couldn't even say. But it all came pouring out watching Obama's victory election night. I was listening on NPR, and my reaction was "thank god--he's won!". I went to bed very satisfied.

But it was only in watching the television coverage days later (that I had dvr-ed) that the tears just flowed uncontrollably. The look of joy on people's faces touched me beyond words. If you're 50+ and black and grew up during the civil rights era, I just don't know how could even fathom this having happened. I know Jess Jackson has issues, but the look on his face was truly touching. Andy Young can say some nutty things, but I'd love to hear what he thinks.

I think the thing that has always made me the angriest is when conservatives tell any shit-on group that they should "get over it". No, black people really don't need to get over it. The horror of racism is not ancient history. We've all seen it and lived it. "Getting over it" would be just putting a bandage on an infected wound.

I' m well aware that if the world were not racist (e.g., black kids had access to decent schools), I might not have gotten into William and Mary. If W&M were 20% or black, it seems unlikely I would have made it. And that would have set in motion the loss of a lot of other opportunities.

What I pray has happened is that we have all been cleansed--that festering wound just got a good cleansing. Maybe we can all start to heal now.

---- a final note ----
If you think this is a big deal for America, I think what it will do for the world is even bigger.
When has any industrial power had a black leader of any sort? Darned if I can think of one.
I guess you could count Nelson Mandela, but that's not European or North American.

When the world thinks black leader, they think Idi Amin or Congo's Nkunda. when I was a kid, I used to worry about people going to hell. Heck, now I just worry that the place won't be large enough to hold their ilk.

35) How can I make more effective use of e-mail?

2008-08-16T09:30:00.009-04:00

well, whenever you proclaim yourself to be an expert on something, you're always open to criticism. So I'm not labelling myself as the ideal e-mail correspondent. And my turnaround has slipped in recent years.

Still I think I make effective use of the tool. I see it as a real productivity enhancer and not a pain in the neck (as do many of my colleagues).

Here's how to keep your e-mail from being a source of misery, for you and others.
Most of my tips involve Mozilla's Thunderbird but I'm sure outlook must have the same features.

The first two are "Don't"s rather than "Do's".
1) Don't use E-mail as a to-do list.

I drag the e-mail over to Lightning (Thunderbird's add-on calendar) and add a due date and an action. Often the subject line in an e-mail is not really an action item; and as many of us know too well, there is no due date on an e-mail.

2) Don't use it to store attachments.

This is a big waste of computer resources and leads to bedlam in your inbox. One friend has hundreds of e-mails in her in-box with attachments. It's just really silly.

Here's what to do. Use Email Extractor (an add-on) to extract the attachment. I've configured mine so it keeps the name of the file but adds to the name (i) who sent the file; (ii) when they sent it; (iii) the subject line of the e-mail. Just for processing, I extract them all to a common folder, "@AD" (for "attachment disperse"). Then every day or so, I go through and disperse the files where they need to go. (Or just delete them because I've attended to the task.)

Ok, so these two steps will cut your inbox clutter a good bit.
Now some Do's.
3) Set aside some time every day to process e-mail.

I just don't believe anyone is so busy that they can't spend 15 minutes a day processing e-mail. If people like Greg Duncan can get to their e-mail, then you surely can.

Think of it as time you would have spent on the phone. And of course, if you're a lousy e-mail-er, you'll save time with e-mail because people won't send you the same damn e-mail over and over.

I schedule (i.e., I literally put it on my calendar) an "odds and ends" time every day to do crap like this.

Marisa Domino comments that "this also will put a limit on the time you spend on e-mail". If you tell me, "I spend an hour reading e-mail and I'm still not getting your latest note", then I won't be cranky. I promise.

4) Use a folder structure to store e-mails you need for record keeping.
Don't just leave them in the in-box for months.

It's the equivalent of taking every piece of paper that arrives in your office and just throwing it in a paper. At the very least, I imagine you at least just have heaps like "class", "my new project" and so on. At the very least, have broad folders to sort your e-mail.

5) Acknowledge e-mails when you get them even if you don't attend to them immediately. I use the little add-on "quick text"--with one key stroke, I can send back a canned message that says "I got your note and will attend to this in the next day or so". Then I create a to-do item or stick a label on it.

5) Make effective use of labels.
Ok, so we've got your in-box largely cleaned out but there are now notes in there that have just arrived (which is the point of the thing, after all) and little stuff that doesn't seem like it needs a to-do item. For the latter, I do treat the inbox as a to-do list of sorts. But I use labels to remind me what I need to do. For example, suppose I have some piddly thing I need to do on campus, like sign something. I just slap the label "Campus" on it. Then during my "odds and ends" time (which I schedule every day for crap like this and answering e-mail) when I'm on campus, I will attend to this stuff and then delete the e-mail.

6) Display your e-mail threads.
At least for me, this helps me follow long back-and-forths on some topic. If it's something others are arguing about, I can delete the whole exchange with one button down the road.

7) Use filters
Set up automatic filters for a variety of purposes. For example, you might filter all of my messages into a folder called "Answer this now". Or if you work for an outfit like UNC, you get a lot of notices about one administrivia matter or another (such as the UNC Blood Donor Danceathon (presumably donation and dancing do not occur at the same time)).

8) Get Fancy--Have Fun
If you're a thunderbird user, install Nostalgy, for example. It's very helpful. If you type "G" and then start typing the name of the folder "C-A-N" you get taken to the correct folder (in this case, my wife's folder, "Candy Lee Hot Pants".) Also, Nostalgy let's you assign key combinations to folder. Control+G, for example, takes me to my google inbox.

Relatedly, explore some of the other add-ons. For example, Thunderbird has "Attachment Reminder". If the text of your note says "Look at the attached file" or such and you don't include an attachment, the add-on asks you, "Did you forget the attachment?"

More to come as they occur to me....

9) Marisa Domina had an excellent suggestion: Turn off the automatic e-mail arrival notification. It is a huge distraction; and you know you'll ready your e-mails during your e-mail quality time. 8-) See #3.

----------------
Here is the list of add-ons I have installed. One wouldn't need all of these:
Application: Thunderbird 2.0.0.16 (2008070808)
Operating System: WINNT (x86-msvc)

- .vcs Support 0.5.6
- Attachment Extractor 1.1.1
- Auto Zip Attachments 0.6.2
- Buttons! 0.5.3.2
- Email Address Collector connector 1.0
- Extension List Dumper 1.14.1
- FoxClocks 2.4.91
- Lightning 0.8
- Maximize Message Pane 0.9.100
- Nostalgy 0.2.16
- Provider for Google Calendar 0.4
- Quicktext 0.9.9.9
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33) If you were going to Brokeback mountain, with whom would you go (part II)?

2008-04-25T14:56:00.003-04:00

well, I'm afraid my earlier beau has been replaced by my man, Keith Urban. Woo.
(Ok, so I have my work cut out in replacing Nichole Kidman, but I'm sure I'm better at statistics than she.)

and his new album is most excellent.

He does seem like generally decent man and he can play the guitar. So, if he rejected my amorous advances, I suppose I could settle for some good rock-n-country.

32) If I have a vacant look on my face, what should you do?

2008-04-21T09:23:00.003-04:00

I swear brain radiation has damaged the part of my brain where peoples' names are stored. (Of course, a smart-aleck could just say it was middle age.) And that part of my brain was surely under-sized in the first place!

And I also swear that more people speak to me now. Several factors could be at work. One is that I'm more memorable--"Hey, there's that one-eyed dude!". Another possibility--folks have decided to be nicer, fearing (or perhaps anticipating) that I won't be around much longer. (Hopefully, I'll disappoint the latter!)

Anyway, if I have a vacant look on my face, tell me who you are. Seriously.

31) [Hillary Clinton] So, how's the health care system working?

2007-09-22T10:08:00.000-04:00

"I want what that bastard Dick Cheney got--nothing can kill that sob"--me (I did tell the nurse that.)

Pretty well, I think, given I have health insurance. All in all, our system functions better than advertised. How can I say that?

- the state health insurance, which is not terribly generous, covered my care in Seattle just fine. Of course, I had to pay my living expenses out there, but maybe it's just too much to expect the government to pay for folks to travel across the country for care. In the end, life is just unfair. Think about those poor souls in my situation in Zambia. (Of course, they probably would have died already for some preventable malady.)

A poor person might have gotten my care if they had stayed in the Ronald McDonald house. A bigger barrier, however, was likely their job--most people just couldn't have knocked off work for three months (and gotten paid). (I did work some, but that's because I'm odd.)

- It was not clear initially, however, that the insruance was going to pay. The folks in Seattle would have treated me anyway. They indicated that "we have a unique facility
, and we have it to treat people like you. We'll work out something on the money."

- A key feature of my care is that I had the tumor out and the site radiated in two-three months. That just wouldn't happen in a lot of countries. And it would have made a big difference--my cancer might have gotten in my brain. Bad news.

- America is no doubt a lousy place to break your arm. But when I went to the ER, I moved to the front of the line and immediately had an EKG. How else could we ration health care?

- In my opinion, our health care really stinks when you're on the wrong side of some broad decision by a health insurer. For example, the lack of parity in mental health coverage springs to mind. It's completely arbitrary and bigoted (and about to fixed!).

30) God, Heart Attacks and Cancer

2007-09-14T09:42:00.001-04:00

Anyway you slice it, my health problems could have ended up much worse. As my sister said, I'm either the most lucky or most unlucky person in the world. This issue has called into question the possibility that "luck" is not responsible. As I explain, I find the notion that God manipulated events disturbing.

So, here's some statements that I've heard or thoughts I've had and my level of comfort with them.

1) "In his love, God has done his works and in his love, he has made all things beneficial to me."

Let's start with the latter statement.

comfort level [CL]: 10
Like I've said, I hate to admit it but I've really benefited from what I've been through.

2) "In his love, God has done his works"
CL [before]: 0
CL [after]: 5

Of course, I agree with the statement--the question is really whether the cancer was caused by God as a learning tool.

Before this happened, I would have said "no way" to this one.
I would have argued that God had other tools with which to teach us these lessons. On the back side of these problems, however, I would say that there's no teacher like adversity. Really, I'm sure God was trying to get my attention, but other methods didn't work.

Now, did God cause my cancer? Maybe.

19Nov -- down to 1 or 2 -- I just don't think God manipulates events, except through the choices of people.

3) God has helped me with getting good treatment.
CL: 10

Absolutely. I was very much at peace in discussing treatment options with my docs, and I think these discussions led to my treatment. I was very much at peace when I asked the opthamologist (as he was about to send me out the door), "Gee, don't you have some way to measure how far my eye was buldging out of the socket". The doc got out his bulgometer and that lead directly to his finding my cancer early.

4) God delayed my heart attack until I could get home from Africa.
CL: I just don't know. If I had had the heart attack in Africa, it would have been really bad. I probably would have said, "I'll just look into this when I get home".

19 Nov: 0%
29 Jan: 0%
Just seems too much like the prosperity gospel. Yuk.
19 April : still 0%. It just seems like if God is going to heal me, then he might as well make me rich.

5) God sent me panic attacks three years ago so I'd be ready for these problems.
CL: I just don't know

Honestly, the panic attacks were the worst of all these problems, but I did learn a lot about controlling emotions. I benefited so much from what I learned as part of that process. Otherwise, I would have had a lot of problems laying in the MRI tube, laying 14' off the floor on a little table getting radiation, getting angioplasty while I was awake. Goodness, I would have run from the room screaming had I not been through the panic attacks, I think.

29) Did you really have a heart attack? Are you kidding?

2007-09-07T19:11:00.000-04:00

Yep, I really did.

I'm only 45 but , it's not as shocking as you might think--my family history is really bad. A bunch--and I mean a bunch--of my close relatives had MI's in their 40s and 50s. So, unlike the cancer, I could imagine myself sitting in the hospital for heart surgery and the like.

I really lucked out, though--this attack was caused by a small blockage that caused little damage. but the docs found a 98% blockage in the major artery that fuels 2/3rds of the heart. (They call that artery the "widowmaker". Yikes!)

So, the docs added 2 stents. And I feel just great! I guess the blockage was bothering me more than I realized.

That's one problem with avoiding these problems. The docs say "if you have really bad chest pain, go right to the hospital". Well, how bad is "really bad"? And they say, "if the pain radiates...". Well, I had pain in my wrist but none at all in my shoulder, and none in my neck or jaw. I also realize now that I've had tightness in my chest for a long time--now that it's gone. But if you'd have asked me a couple of weeks ago, I would have said, "No, I feel normal". Well, normal is defined according to how you've felt.

So, it wasn't clear what I should do when I had bad chest pain. Thankfully, I erred on the side of caution. I figured the worst thing that could happen would be that the docs would say "You silly guy, you're not having a heart attack, you just need to burp!"

HBO: Ghosts of Abu Ghraib

2007-08-25T21:43:00.000-04:00

HBO: Ghosts of Abu Ghraib

and if you needed any more evidence that Rummie should be prosecuted as a war criminal, watch this documentary.

28) Can George Bush get any dumber?

2007-08-25T21:36:00.000-04:00

God, that's a tough one.

The latest and greatest--honest to god, how can a draft dodger from era claim to tell us anything about Vietnam?

And what I remember from that era was the warnings that if we left Vietnam the whole word would fall apart. (Look at those dominoes falling.) Gee, I don't think that really happened.

Really, Vietnam is a good predictor of what will happen when we leave Iraq wholesale slaughter (so I guess I agree with W on that). What I said all along was that the Iraqis were going to have to work this out on their own, and that they'd have to get good and sick of killing each other before there would be peace. I'm afraid 100s of ,000s of people are going to die there regardless of when we leave.

27) [Mollie Ivins] "What do you mean cancer is a gift. You're as a dumb as Shrub. Cancer just killed me. Some gift."

2007-02-03T16:28:00.000-05:00

Well, Molly, I didn't know you, but I will miss you. I'm sure if St. Peter doesn't have everything in working order, he'll be hearing from you shortly.

I know that you did say that "I'm sorry to say (cancer) can kill you, but it doesn't make you a better person."

I guess maybe we could split the difference and say it makes you a different person. When I found out I had cancer, I swore I wasn't going to be one of those people who said "oh, this made me a better person". It seemed a bit like say, "Yea, since they cut my leg off, I'm really good at hoping on one leg." Great.

Really, I didn't want to concede that I wasn't already enjoying life every day and so on. But still, I have to concede that it has changed me. How?

* I also feel more kinship with the handicapped. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm more likely to talk to someone in a wheelchair. It's embarrassing that I was so stupid, but I do know better what it's like to have someone stare at you. Really, I know I'm the same person and more than my patch.

* I'm more tolerant. With this gaping hole in the side of my head, I do better recognize my own shortcomings and failings.

* At the same time, I'm a little less patient professionally. If someone doesn't want to get with the program, I'm more likely to discard them. I do feel like life is too short to waste time on something that is either not productive or fun. I think this impatience is especially pronounced for my more senior colleagues.

* I'm more appreciative of my wife and family, to say the least.

* Again, this sounds trite, but I do enjoy every day and moment much more. Really, I just don't think about tomorrow. Who knows what bad news tomorrow will bring. I even went to the grocery store with my wife to shop today. Voluntarily. I just walked around the grocery store looking at the produce and the meat.

* I also have more empathy for the injured, ill and dying. Goodness, when I think about all the children in Iraq and children of our troops who have lost their fathers (and suffered the loss my children might one day suffer), it is hard to bear.

It's fair to say that it's been a heavy burden from time to time. I lost a bookmark at the church retreat (one I really liked), and I thought "damn, I'm just like that bookmark--here today, gone tomorrow". I also thought "Darnit, I'll never have another one like that in this life." Still, I try not to think that way very often and focus on the present. (My wife bought me another bookmark.)

* I have thought a lot about suffering more generally and realized I've suffered very little relative to the rest of humanity. I've tried to understand why and have thought about this issue for much of my life. In the end, I do feel a bit like Job. Job never got any answers to his questions, but he was a peace. *

So, Molly, I'd have to just disagree with you--I am a better person.
/m

* It is just moronic that the Bible can't be taught as literature in the schools. It's astounding for so-called educated agnostics not to have read the book of Job. And it's pathetic that religious people can't bear to have the material presented without cramming it down the throats of others.

26) [Bill Maher] "Why would a sensible person like yourself believe in a fairy tale like Christmas?"

2006-12-13T19:19:00.000-05:00

This year has not been a good one for organized religion. Most prominently, Iraq has dissolved into sectarian chaos. Closer to home, religious groups argue over gay marriage and the role of women in the church. Religion has (or religious people have) done enough harm around the world that critics can claim that the world would be better off without religion entirely. It’s hard to argue the point.

Indeed, my own faith, Christianity, has harmed the world in many ways over the centuries, and one fears more is to come. Some Christians hope for the end of the world, looking forward to the time when the godless “get what’s coming to them”. That Christianity and other religions are the source of so much division is enough to make anyone despair.

Can the Christmas season bring us some relief? At first glance, perhaps not. The orgy of consumerism seemingly swamps the season’s small, quiet acts of kindness. Noisy zealots ironically wage war in the name of Christmas, fearing public menorah may steal the spotlight from the Christmas tree.

Furthermore, parts of the Christmas story itself strain the credulity of an educated person. God sent his son to the world to share in our struggles. If that’s the case, why did his son arrive in a way no one before or after has used (via the virgin birth)? Parts of the story just make no sense. As Jesus grew, his parents were often surprised by his actions. Honestly, if I had a child without having sex and had been visited by angels warning me in advance, nothing that child did subsequently would be surprising. So, even at Christmas time, there are parts of the story that are a bit hard to swallow.

There is, however, a part of the story to which I desperately cling. It is the story of a young Jewish girl, pregnant and afraid, in a strange place with no where to lay her head. How could a God that made the universe care about someone so insignificant? Why did God choose that woman to bring his child into the world? What could such a powerful God have in common with those so powerless? It is this God who gives me hope. I believe this God cares about me and gives me hope that I might one day be more like his Son and her mother.

In Luke 2 (verse 50ff) , the blessed Mary proclaims

“His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers."”

This story is one of mercy and justice—a story of hope for a better tomorrow.

Are there alternative sources of such hope? Perhaps humans might perfect themselves over the time. If the past year has been bad for religion, it’s been ever worse for this hope. Rather than rejoicing in their freedom, Iraqis turned on each other to settle old scores. Warring factions in Africa turn children into soldiers and commit unspeakable acts against their families. Those who hope that human beings will learn from their mistakes and will renounce violence and selfishness see trends in world events that are hidden from me.

Perhaps science is a source of hope. I’m not one of those who fear science and religion are in conflict. I do feel, however, that science is more the road than the destination. The wonders of the human body and the world around us don’t make me wonder whether God exists. Rather they make humble.

So, I cling to the hope that Christmas and the one it honors can make me better. My hope for the world is that all religions will contribute positively to the world in the coming year. I hope in the coming year we find fewer hungry people and fewer rich people who take their blessings for granted. My hope is that the powerful of the world will spend more time lifting up the poor than trampling them. I hope that you can come to embody the best of whatever religion that is meaningful to you. For me, I hope that I can better embody Mary’s spirit of servanthood and humility.

25) [Dubya] "You were quoted as saying that 'I'm a lot like Don Rumsfield'. I'm a little surprised."

2006-12-05T20:02:00.000-05:00

Well, when it comes to putting up the Christmas tree, I'm like Rummy. I have other people do the dirty work, and when they wonder if we'll ever finish, I yell "Stay the course", "Don't cut and run", etc.

When it comes to putting ornaments on the tree, it seems to work pretty well. 8-)

24) [time to go back to being silly] If the cancer comes back, and you have to be reincarnated, who would you be?

2006-11-16T09:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I'd come back as a musician--the one regret of my life is that I didn't pursue music more seriously when I was younger.

Automatically disqualified
- heroin and other addicts (Jackson Browne)
- anyone who looks like a raisin (Mick + Stevie Tyler)

5) Freddie Mecury
It'd be fun to be that gay and sell records to middle America.
Of course, I have the problem that he's dead. I don't know what that means--if you come back as a dead guy, do you lose a turn??

4) Warren Zevon
Whatever is rolling around in that guy's head might be scary to experience first-hand.
Also, dead-guy problem.

3) Amy Lee of Evanescence
I'm not sure I want to spend that much time in therapy.

2) Mac Powell of Third Day
Just not sure I want to spend that much time in Red states.

1) Vince Gill
Has it all--lovely tenor voice, first-rate musician, and good-looking (when he stays away from the Pancake Pantry)

there you have it--I'm open to additional suggestions.

23) What's on your ipod these days?

2006-11-02T10:12:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a secret recording of Bush throwing himself and the Republicans off the cliff. Enjoying that. ("You're doing a great job there, Rummy")

Seriously, it's Alan Jackson's "Like a Red Rose". It was produced by Ms. Alison Kraus. AJ wantedto make a blue grass album and AK apparently talked him into some type of hybrid. It's just lovely. If you've ever been in love, it'll bring you to tears.

Just a piece of "Had it not been you"

I wouldn't reach for your arms
When my dreams don't come true
Never sit holding hands
On a crowded church pew
I wouldn't smile when my fingers run through your hair
Or laugh when we race to the top of the stairs
I'd get old for sure
Had it not been you

You know there are times
That I can't wait to pick up the phone
When you're callin'
And the three little voices
That always chime in right along
When we're talkin'

Oh I never would see through
eyes of truth
And my heart
would have overlooked
a view that some just talk of
and never find
In a lifetime

22) What's your current status??

2006-10-19T20:40:00.000-04:00

What's the latest on your eye?

Really, I'm doing well. I felt like I weathered my time in Seattle just fine. I was there for four weeks of radiation from Mid-June to Mid-July. I didn't feel nauseous, just weary. I would describe it as like carrying an anvil around.

By the mid-August, I was really feeling pretty good. Then the side effects returned. Apparently, the return of the side effects is normal, and so I wasn't shocked when they did return. What I didn't anticipate was that the effects would be worse than they were originally. It was as if someone pulled up a truck of anvils and dumped them on me.

That level of exhaustion lasted about another month. Toward the end of September, I started to feel better. Now I feel like I'm back to one anvil, pulling it behind me in a little wagon. Not too bad, really.

21) [Mariah Carey] if they had a make-a-wish foundation for middle-aged men, what would you do?

2006-09-06T16:12:00.000-04:00

I believe what I would reqest is the chance to hang out with Van Morrison in an Irish bar.

20) [St. Bonaventure] It seems that you don't believe that God sends cancer and other suffering to teach us lessons. Whta kind of heretic are you?

2006-08-05T21:43:00.000-04:00

"Suffering is like a kiss that Jesus hanging from the cross bestows on persons whom He loves in a special way. Because of this love He wants to associate them in the work of the redemption." St. Bonaventure

20) [St. Bonaventure asks] It seems that you don't believe that God sends cancer and other suffering to teach us lessons. You just want to cram God into some type of box with which your little modern mind can better cope. What kind of heretic are you?

Well, St. B., I take this idea more seriously than I did in the past.

Every day I pray the prayer of Julian of Norwich: "In His love He has done His works, and in His love He has made all things beneficial to us." I'm certain of the second part. I think this discussion boils down to the meaning of the first part.

Prior to getting cancer, I would have argued the following. God is like a good and perfect parent ("Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him?" Matthew 7:9-12).

So, as a parent, I tell my kids don't run with scissors all the time. That's an important lesson. However, I would not stick my leg out and just trip them so they could learn that lesson. I would prefer they not learn the hard way.

Another key part of my argument would be that God, in her infinite power and wisdom, has so many positive ways to teach us. The other part of the argument is that there are no lessons that can't be taught by some means other than suffering.

And it's there where I'm having second thoughts. I would say that cancer has taught me things that I could not learned any other way. Really, God was trying to teach me these lessons all along, but I was a poor pupil. I'm afraid I was too dense and too proud to absorb them.

So, where does it leave me? I still don't think God sends suffering, but I would be willing to concede that cancer has provided me with a unique learning opportunity.

What's striking in all this is that my preferred occupation would have been to have been a religion professor and to have pondered these questions (known as theodicy). I must say that I care less about the answer than I did in the past. Really, I'm convinced that Christ suffers along with us through our suffering, and that's what matters to me now. Maybe I have learned something.

August Cancer Survivor of the Month

2006-08-03T22:13:00.000-04:00

EBSCOhost: "'I think when you have everything sort of under control, or you think you do, it's these turnaround or these pivotal moments that introduce you to yourself,' she says. When compared with the advanced cancer that Armstrong beat, or the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, Crow adds, 'what happened to me is pretty small. But the bottom line is all these events, these small or these huge catastrophic events in your life--I do think that that's where you really meet yourself. And then your life never looks or feels the same again. And it can only be better.'"

Yes, the first CSOM is Sheryl Crow. I was never a big fan, but her new album is splendid, and the quote is from a nice article in Vanity Fair.

Honestly, I suspect losing a bossom is like losing an eye, really. You've got a backup, and after you have children (in the case of the bossom), the part is largely for aeshetics (and of course, recreation).

(I have to say that my depth perception is just not getting any better. I tried to assemble a bed, which required lining up parts. I was never handy with tools, but this was pathetic. Oy.)

19) [Eeyore] I'm really suspicious of perky people. I think your positive attitude about the cancer is a big act. Come on--let out the negative

2006-07-23T18:10:00.000-04:00

Well, Eeyore, I'm not sure you've posed a question as much as made a policy statement, but I'll bend the rules this time.

I do have negative emotions, and they are seeping out. I really would like to stomp the crap out of my radiation mask, whereas I originally thought it would be a fun momento. I ain't laughing all that much. And for some reason, I just can't bring myself to finish the books I was reading in Seattle. I just don't want to touch them. I couldn't tell you why.

So, I'm probably supressing stuff--I'll concede that.

What I would argue, however, is that suppressing your emotions is under-rated. We do this all the time, and it's not clear that giving free reign to your emotions is really helpful. For example, when you have to teach a classful of dunderheads, I have not found it helpful to think, "Well, this really sucks--these kids don't give a crap about what I'm trying to teach them". That doesn't seem to help matters.

So, cancer is the same thing--I can't see much alternative to saying to myself, "Just shut up and push ahead. You're not dead yet, and it could be worse".

I do have an easier time visualizing myself being dead than imagining myself living to an old age, though that was true before the cancer. Really, that's just part of my sunny disposition. 8-)

18) In scrapping with the Beast, was there anything that you found really helpful?

2006-07-16T18:11:00.000-04:00

Mostly music. Espcially the album Wherever You are by the band, Third Day (a christian southern rock band--who knew there was such a thing?)

This song really spoke to me.

Cry Out To Jesus - Third Day (2005)

To everyone who's lost someone they love
long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
keepin' you back from your life.
You believe that there's nothing
and there is no one who can make it right.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love.
and they've done all they can to make it right again
still it's not enough.

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
you try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you're not alone
in your shame and your suffering.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus.

When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus.

To the widow who suffers from being alone,
wipin' the tears from her eyes.
For the children around the world without a home,
say a prayer tonight.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
that meets you wherever you are.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
that meets you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

I also really benefited from my trip to Mount Saint Helens. It really was clear that violence and destruction don't have the last word. 8-)

I also benefited from laughing--really some parts of it were funny. I could play my own CD's during radiation, so I had some Switchfoot cd's. And the one I listened to the most, Learning to Breathe, starts off with "Dare You to Move". This seemed rather comical as I lay there strapped to the gurney--like I was really going anywhere.

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

Learning to Breathe is on point, too--

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

18) [McGruff the crime dog, noted prevention scientist] I heard you left the "CPPRG". What did you do, act up one too many times?"

2006-06-08T14:32:00.000-04:00

No, I mostly left the Conduct Problems Prevention Research Group because I was interested in working in other areas. I did have some disagreement with the group about how science best proceeds. My model of science is chaotic. For example, the debate in demography about the consequences of teen childbearing is a good example. That debate involved data that were publicly available with a frank and open discussion of what various researchers were finding. Such a debate is open but not tidy and is a lot more informative. What emerged over time was a balanced perspective on the consequences of teen childbearing and a good sense of the robustness of the findings.
What I've observed among psychologists is a desire for a very tidy story, too tidy for my taste. Maybe it grows out of the laboratory tradition, which economists haven't had. But I don't see any thing wrong with putting out a preliminary paper on some outcome that presents a standard set of analyses (such as those outlined in the grant application originally). Then, if subsequent, more exploratory analyses show different effects (larger or smaller), I don't see anything wrong with a second paper refining (or even contradicting) the first paper. I do understand that this complicates (or even hinders) the ability of researchers to have a policy impact. However, I think bad science is too high a price to pay for such an impact.
(I also think the distate for complexity among psychologists reflects their limited methodological training (meaning the applied psychologists, not the methodologists). They just don't have much interest in sorting through various parameterizations of models and so on.)
I also believe large studies have an obligation to generate such preliminary studies in a timely manner. And to make the data publicly available. Psychologists have this sense that "we worked hard to collect these data and should benefit from them". However, in most cases, those same psychologists were paid to collect those data with public funds. The data should be made available almost immediately.

I also think we have some real disagreements about how the group has proceeded over time, but hindsight is 20-20. For example, I think it's clear that FT is four studies not one, but maybe this was not apparent initially. As was pointed out to me, the grant was funded multiple times, and reviewers didn't raise this issue. That's fair enough. I do think there is a big difference between pooling samples and combining point estimates. These are all things that could be explored in that study.

I also think a systematic effort to understand why effects weren't bigger in the earlier years was an opportunity missed. For example, we now know the sample was padded with less severe kids to boost sample sizes. (I don't mean "padded" in a sinister way. I just mean--like all studies--individuals were recruited until sample size goals were met.) Who were those kids who were severe and wouldn't participate? Why couldn't those kids and their families be engaged?

I also didn't think the group was sufficiently productive, especially in the core areas of intervention impact, but I'll leave that to others to decide. I am very conscious of having five R01's tied up in one project when money is so hard to get, especially for junior people.

I have no investment in whether Fast Track works or not. I'm not like my buddy Len Bickman. I don't believe "nothing works". I really just want to know. I do know that I have benefited enormously from my involvement and am very grateful to the group.

And most of my complaints could be levelled at any study. More generally, I just think developmentalists spend way too much time doing the same things over and over and over instead of really digging deeper into new questions with new methodology.

17) (George Bush) I know I never make mistakes, but since you're turning 44 and have cancer, any mistakes you'd like admit?

2006-05-31T08:52:00.000-04:00

Well, thanks George, for getting us started. Let's recall some of my mistaken claims and beliefs.

10) "Ronald Reagan will be the worst president of my lifetime."
I can't believe it, but I actually detest W more.

(Still, I'd pee on Reagan's grave if I get the chance. If this cancer thing takes a turn for the worse, I'm going to (a) eat a chicken biscuit from Time Out every single day and (2) head to the Reagan center, after drinking several gallons of TO iced tea.)

Just review how little the clockstucker did about AIDS. Watch the recent Frontline and when you've finished puking, join me in peeing on his grave. And enjoy the contribution of our new Chief Justice. By contrast, M. Thatcher was years ahead of Reagan.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/aids/

(My god, the Frontline people were really trying to provoke me, by showing Jess Helms holding forth about Aids in his neanderthal way. In fairness to Jesse, he did eventually come around, two decades and several million lives later.)

9) "Gee, I believe I'll take my sneakers off in crossing this river [the Payette in Idaho]"
Darn near drowned on that one.

8) "Gee, that Dean Ray Coward seems like a nice guy"
Yea--I was close--all that separates him from being a nice guy is an exorcism.

(I should have known something was amiss when he had his bypass surgery. The results were "not found".)

7) "Gee, I might as well get a PhD in economics."
I guess it worked out ok but, oy, was that a bad idea!

6) "That Jon Leibowitz is never going to amount to anything"
I went to college with the guy, and he was always acting like a goof.
Don't know him? Well, now he goes by his middle name, Stewart.

still mulling over numbers 5 through 2 -- if you have a suggestion, let me know.
[My wife would suggest, "Gee, I might just post slanderous things about past employers on my blog". I just roll my eye at her.]

1) Upon meeting my future wife for the first time, I thought "Gee, that [insert my wife's name here] is cute but she is a ding-a-ling."

She turned out to be superior to me in every way (well, other than being a luddite about technology).

[My wife has forbidden me from using her name in my blog. She's kind of a weiner, though truth be told my postings have gotten me in trouble in the past.]

ok, so here's the new look

2006-05-18T11:22:00.000-04:00

The surgeon is not responsible for the non-bandaged part. I suppose you could blame my mother or just bad luck. 8-(

16) I heard you have cancer. How's that going?

2006-04-29T18:10:00.000-04:00

16) I heard you have cancer. How's that going?

Well, I have a bad type of cancer (adenoid cystic carcinoma) in my lacrimal gland. This cancer resists chemo and is not radiosensitive. The first line of treatment is removal, and so last thursda (April 20) I had my tumor (and my left eye) removed. Other than getting this crappy kind of cancer, things have gone great. I'm lucky to have moved down here to Chapel Hill before I developed cancer. The care is really first rate. There is a big cancer center, and as luck or providence would have it, my surgeon is one of the three leading experts in this cancer in this country. Furthermore, a PET scan showed the cancer hasn't spread. That's not as reassuring as it would be for some cancers, but clearly, if it had spread, that would be worse.

In addition, nothing has hurt much. Chemo doesn't work, so I've not gotten any of that (at least not yet). There's no tissue in my eye orbit, so there's not much left to hurt. And the bad news has rolled out over time, so I've been able to adjust. I've never gotten the "Mr. Foster, you've got six months to live" speech (not yet, anyway). For my cancer, the probability of surviving 5 years is 90%; the probability of surviving 15 years is between 10% and 40%. So, it's kind of strange. With many cancers, if you make it five years, you're out of the woods. For some reason, this cancer just stalks its victims, for long periods of time.

I do feel a bit like I've been struck by lightning. While my surgeon has treated relatively many persons with this cancer, that means that he has treated 12 over nearly two decades.

I guess putting this in my blog maybe nutty, but I've decided to be pretty open about having cancer. I had a friend who had testicular cancer, and he and I have mocked cancer for some time. It helps me a great to see how Dave has handled it and how he's fared over time.

[what follows is a little over the top--you've got the basic story at this point, if you'd like to stop]

What's been the hardest part?
Hands down (so far), dressing my own wound. On that side of my face, I look like a skeleton. Looking at it is like looking into your own tomb. Oy. I'll never forget that first look. I really know what I'll look like when I'm dead. (Two weeks later, it still is a shock. Just when I think that damn hole can't look worse, it does.)

Looking, however, was also empowering. I had been dreading changing the bandage myself and had been dragging my feet. Once I did it, I really felt better. I walked out of the bathroom and said to my wife, "F-ck that hole". And my wife said, "Yea, f-ck the hole." I guess it was sort of a "screw the cancer" sentiment. (It also was the first time I had ever heard my wife say the F word.) [NOTE: My wife claims this did not happen. Honestly, I was so stunned, I guess she could have said "Would you like french fries for dinner" for all I know.]

It wasn't that hard to show up for eye removal. Really, I figured it wouldn't hurt, and I tried not to think about it graphically. (I learned that lesson a few years when I had an endoscopy. I kept thinking how gross that would be. Heck, they sedated me, and I was feeling no pain. They could have done it five times for all I cared.) So, I didn't think about the eye removal until they called me from the waiting room.

You seem to be doing well. How is that?
I think there are several reasons. One is that I have gotten extraordinary support from credible sources (doctors and nurses who are my buddies). They just keep drumming into my head, "You can beat this", "You can beat this", ...

I also feel much, much better. For at least six months, I've felt like someone drained the life out of me. Getting that tumor out really made me feel a lot better.

I also have benefited from an experience with my son. When my wife was pregnant, the doctors feared something terrible was wrong with Gabriel. So, I learned to deal with medical news as it comes and not to jump the gun. As it turns out, Gabe was just fine.

I have spent a lot of time praying, and I have a real peace about my illness. I really have tried to pray, "God, do what you think best". At first, I was trying to decide whether I needed to pray for healing or to pray for a good exit. My priest really helped me. Basically, he indicated that there was nothing wrong with praying for both at the same time.

I also would add that I've always felt like I'm living on borrowed time. My birthday should have been around mid- to late-October. I was born on 9Aug. Two months was pretty early 40 years ago. My prospects were so grim that the doctors wouldn't show me to my mom. (Only a man would think that that was a good idea.) Still, I did survive but have been left with the sense that every day of my is another day longer than I might have lived. (Not that this has stopped me from doing dumbass things on a fairly regular basis.)

Finally, I also have benefited from not absorbing some of the foolishness in American religion. I don't have to deal with any sense that God has done this to me to teach me something. I do believe that God can turn this illness into something good. But I don't think God causes cancer.

Relatedly, I don't think that God does (or can) prevent Christians or any other religious person from hardship like this. We live in a broken world. I've mostly been amazed how little this brokenness has affected me. Only North Americans have this sense that if they don't live in perfect health until they are 80, they have been cheated in some way.

Do you ever think "Why me?"?
Not really. From time to time, I do think "Why this, of all things? Why couldn't I get run over by bus or get colon cancer like a normal person?" But, no there's enough hardship in the world that I never expected to be exempt.

Are you going to look funny when your treatment is finished?
Well, it would be unfair to blame cancer for my looks. (Tumors have enough to account for.) I will get a prosthesis. (My eyelid and some bone were removed from my face, so I need more than a glass eye.) From what I've been told, I'll look "normal".

What will happen to you?
Well, no one knows for me any more than they do for you. Here's my best guess. By my reckoning, my life expectancy (without cancer) is 30 more years. (My family CVD history is poor.) I figure the cancer will cut that in half. I'll have to live twice as well to compensate. 8-)

For this cancer, I would be an outlier if I make it 15 years, but I'm feeling optomistic.

Anything else made you mad or happy?
Well, the cancer fairy is in my dog house. I put my tumor under my pillow, and that cheapskate only gave me $10. See if I grow any more tumors for him.

Any part of this been funny?
Oh, yea--lots of funny things have happened. I really wanted to get my tumor into a tumor registry at UVA. My surgeon was quite agreeable to helping me. Some special procedures were required, and he did his part. And then we sent the tumor over to pathology. The dang pathologist lost it for a few days. My surgeon sent a rather mild e-mail scolding him and implying that the pathology department was disorganized.

I guess that upset the folks over there. My surgeon asked me, "do you think I was too harsh?" Like I'm the person to ask about inflammatory e-mails. I told him, "I would have asked, 'how do you a-holes lose a freakin' rare tumor. Maybe you shouldn't drink on the job.' That seemed to make my surgeon feel better. The tumor was eventually found in a freezer, presumably next to the dove bars.

What have you learned?
1) I have some mighty fine friends.
I've been shocked by the number of people who seem to be earnestly praying for me.

2) I'm a little tougher than I thought.
One time I was lost in the Idaho wilderness and really kind of gave up. It gave me the sense that I was a bit of a wimp. (My friend, Jay, more or less dragged me out, but not before I nearly drowned--a story for another day.)

Now, I do feel a little tougher.

[Honestly, I have more lives than a cat. I should have died at birth (#1); I did something really stupid in a car one time and escaped through good fortune (#2); I nearly drowned (#3); and now this (#4). Good thing I've got five left!]

[Addendum: Several people have commented that I'm "brave". I think it would be fair to note that I do have days where I'm a bit scared, as anyone would be. I ask my wife virtually every day, "So, you think I can survive this?" On the bad days, the question is "This damn cancer is going to get me, one little piece at a time, isn't it?". My wife always answers "yes" to version a and "no" to version b.]

3) I'm more or less doing what I want to do with my life.
When I really thought my goose was cooked, I was not left with the sense that "Gee, I'm dying and I've wasted all this time doing X when I wanted to do Y." About the only thing I"m changing is that I'm going to stop putting off Viola lessons!

4) Worrying about what's going to kill you is pointless.
Damn, my family CVD history is terrible, so I've monitored my BP, etc., closely.
And heck, my eyeball was trying to kill me behind the scenes, really without symptoms.

5) Don't suffer alone.
I told more folks about my cancer than I anticipated. I figured, "How can I hide this big bandage or my missing eye?" It was the best thing I could have done. The support I received have been so helpful.

6) I'm a control freak or at least over-scheduled.
Ok, so that may not come as a surprise to folks who know me.

But still, I swear I think I'd prefer a certain but shorter prognosis to an uncertain one. Just let me know that I'll die in 10 years 234 days 6 hours, and I'll put it in Outlook. Then I'll drop dead right on time.

5-24-06
7) Don't ever say, "There's nothing weird left for the doctors to do to me."
That would be foolish. I thought I had reached that stage. Today, I knew I had a chest XRay and a MRI. No problem. I'd been in the "tube" for CAT and PET scans, so I'm not claustraphobic. And what's a little chest x-ray.

Part III was something called a "simulation". I knew it was prep for radiation. I figured it was sizing up my nogin and drawing a bullseye on it. Again, no problem.

However, I laid down on the table, and the nurse says, "We need to make a cast of your head". Ok, I figured that would be no problem. She says, "I'm going to lay this wet rag on your face. It has eye holes, and you can breathe through it. Don't worry." (Lesson 7b-when the nurse says 'don't worry', it's time to panic.)

So, she covers my face up with this mesh. I'm thinking, "Well, this isn't so bad". Then she starts applying pressure. Basically, my face started feeling like I was at 10g. Even better, after a minute or two, the thing starts getting hard like a cast. And it was a little long, so it hung down on my adam's apple, preventing me from swallowing. This is not going well. So, I grab the nurse's arm and point to my throat. Fortunately, she understood what was happening and bent the thing back so I could swallow.

Thus endeth lesson 7.

15) [Truman Capote asks] If you were going to Brokeback Mountain, with whom would you live?

2006-04-11T18:15:00.000-04:00

That's easy. It's be the Univision anchor,
Jorge Ramos
http://www.jorgeramos.com/Default.htm

what a hottie. 8-)

There are three good reasons:
- I could "bone up" on my Spanish (so to speak).
- I could eat Mexican every night (!)
- Can't beat the Latin lover

14) Boy, you sure have been cranky lately. What is it with you and psychologists?

2006-03-02T18:42:00.001-05:00

14) Boy, you sure have been cranky lately. What is it with you and psychologists?

To paraphrase Garrett Morriss, "psychology has been very, very good to me." So, I'm appreciative of how much I've learned and gained from psychologists and psychology.

However, there are some things about psychologists that drive me crazy.

Foremost is their fixation on their theories or rather the weak link between theory and their empirical work. Psychologists can write the most long-winded discussion of the most superficial set of analyses. More generously, the poverty of their empirical work contrasts with the richness of their theories. For example, developmental theories emphasize the dyadic nature of many relationships. However, most empirical work typically regresses a child outcome on a measure of parenting (perhaps lagged). This association is well established, and the next step is embracing the underlying simultaneity. Establishing causality is difficult (or maybe impossible), but other social sciences spend far more time tackling this problem.

A second example involves non-linearity. Many psychological theories emphasize the interaction between factors. For example, the theory of reasoned action emphasizes that behavioral intentions are a function of attitudes, norms and perceived control. Norms, however, matter only if individuals believe they have control. This type of relationship implies non-linearities above and beyond a simple interaction. When was the last time one saw a true non-linear model in an empirical paper in an empirical article in psychology?

All of this aggravates me because my papers have been getting rejected lately, largely for being "methods" papers, lacking substantive content. My own preference is to try to better measure these basic descriptive characteristics, and to spare the reader these long-winded expositions on theory barely supported (or not) by the data.

I also am a little aggravated by the norms for professional interaction in psychology. Psychologists as a group (especially the ones who have been clinicians) are very nice. However, when spending the taxpayers' money, a little directness and accountability is a good thing. My psychologist colleagues are often not forceful enough in demanding the best of each other. And they get really offended when I demand it of them.

Psychologists just don't love their data well enough or at least respect it. Some of them are just astounding data-dredgers. They really know the answer before they start their anlayses and continue until they find what they were looking for. It's about that simple. You can see it in their unwillingness to share their data. Generally, if you ask, they will indicate that "you don't know enough about my program to evaluate it". What the heck does that mean? That I'm not committed enough to finding an effect. It seems that way.

As I meet more and more psych methods folks, my experiences seem the norm, and more than a few of them have had to abandon projects because of highly dubious practices. And if you talk to the junior data analysts on these projects, you'll never meet a more cynical group of human beings.

And finally, many applied psychologists are just astoundingly ignorant of statistical methods in an enterprise that should be labelled quantitative social science. I guarantee you that 90% of psychologists could not invert this matrix:
a b
c d
Many would not even know what the question meant. I know multiple chair professors of psychology at major universities that couldn't pass an undergraduate econometrics course. And these are smart people--for example, one went to Stanford at age 16. Believe me, Stanford was not looking for me then (or subsequently).

And psychologists can tell me, with a straight face some of the silliest things.
Recently, psychologists have suggested to me that
1) All I need to do is to measure X before Y and we know X causes Y.
Sure, the rooster crows and that causes the sun to rise. Right.

2) One just told me, "we proved randomization worked in our study". Ah, yea, right--the benefit of randomization involves unobservables, and I guess this study doesn't have any. (I guess what the person doesn't understand is that you can prove randomization didn't work but you can never prove it did.)

to be continue

13) [Paul Hewitt (DBA Bono)] I can't believe I'm not your person of the year. Who'd you pick?

2005-12-30T19:20:00.000-05:00

I'd go with Ramsey Clark for defending Saddam Hussein. He actually understands that our rights don't matter until the person using them doesn't deserve them.

Both international law and the Constitution of the United States guarantee the right to effective legal representation to any person accused of a crime. This is especially important in a highly politicized situation, where truth and justice can become even harder to achieve. That's certainly the situation today in Iraq. The war has caused the deaths of tens of thousands of Iraqis and the widespread destruction of civilian properties essential to life. President Bush, who initiated and oversees the war, has manifested his hatred for Hussein, publicly proclaiming that the death penalty would be appropriate.

The United States, and the Bush administration in particular, engineered the demonization of Hussein, and it has a clear political interest in his conviction. Obviously, a fair trial of Hussein will be difficult to ensure — and critically important to the future of democracy in Iraq. This trial will write history, affect the course of violence around the world and have an impact on hopes for reconciliation within Iraq.

from http://www.commondreams.org/views05/0124-26.htm

He understands the damage GITMO and the like do to our nation's reputation.

12) [Carlson Tucker] Who is America's greatest pundit?

2005-12-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

That's a snap: Chris Rock. (John Liebowitz, with whom I went to college is a distant second, tied with Bill Mahr.)

Chris Rock: "if Johnny can't read, that's mama's fault, but if Johnny can't read because the electric bill hasn't been paid and the lights have been shut off, then that's daddy's fault"

By the way, how do you know that white people designed Google. Try to google "hoes back up off me", and see what you get "Did you mean: 'hose back up off me'"
(I was trying to find a sequence from Bigger and Blacker, CR's special.)

11) [posted by Billy Joel] What's on your IPOD?

2005-12-29T18:41:00.000-05:00

Good question, Billy. Your Stranger album is still one of my favorites, but I don't have it on my IPOD. I am listening to Death Cab for Cutie and Low Millions. And I still keep listening to Evanescence's last album. (It's not just for Good Friday anymore.) I also am listening to the last albums by Sting, the Boss and U2--it's shocking that groups who produced good albums while I was in college are still producing excellent work, arguably their finest.

10) [Submitted by Randy Macho Man Savage] You've indicated that it's embarrassing being a man. Are you trying to tell me something?

2005-12-14T15:28:00.000-05:00

No, Randy, I did not audition for a part in the new Ang Lee movie.

But, it is embarrassing being a man. I think I started feeling this way twenty years ago when a senior female faculty member told me that 25% of her counterparts had been sexually harrassed. I asked, "what do you mean, like men gazing down your shirt?" (I suppose that the figure for that would be 75%.) She replied, "No, I mean like 'hey, baby--sleep with me if you want to get tenure'."

I don't know what else to say. Men really are pigs or, on their best days, just primitive.

Can anyone doubt that we would not be in Iraq if women ran the world? Seriously. Even Laura Bush (no favorite of mine) would not have us over there.

I would add as an aside that if I were a woman, I'd be a lesbian and dispense with men altogether (!). My wife tells me that I'm not the first man to have a thing for lesbians. Hmmmm....

9) (posted by a Bhuddist) You've been telling people, "I ended up where I should have been in the first place". What does that mean?

2005-08-17T12:22:00.000-04:00

Yes, grasshopper, the wheel of academic life has turned full circle.

I figured out pretty quickly that an economics department wasn't the place for me, but I thought (hoped) that a public policy school would be a good fit. Having been employed by one and interviewed at several others, I'm pretty sure that's not right. In general, SPP seem dominated by economists who basically want to apply economic tools to applied problems. They really aren't any different than regular economists, at least in most cases. They want to publish in econ journals and be respected by other economists. In many (BUT NOT ALL) cases, they are more interested in running models on school data (for example) than in improving schools. They'll tell you that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but they don't know enough about the institutions and their personnel to actually provide information that could make a difference.

SPP also keep a fair number of political scientists on hand, but they either (1) student aggregate phenomena and/or (2) try to act like economists (or increasingly so).

That leaves a fair number of folks out in the cold--folks I need on my interdisciplinary teams. I used to think my former dean at GSU was a bit nutty when he said, "policy analysis is a sub-field of economics". He's not right, but he is more typical than I realized (at least initially).

So, here's hoping that the school of public health is the right home for me! I know there is a stronger ethos for actually helping people.

8) (Roy Williams, Tar Heel coach) When you moved to PSU, the football team went in the toilet. Are bad things in store for the bball program?

2005-07-14T21:02:00.000-04:00

Boy, the history of sports at my employer is hardly distinguished. Vanderbilt football is among the worst ever. Georgia State basketball held the record for a while as the country's losingest. And PSU football did go in the tank right before I arrived.

Goodness, I hope this is one streak that the Tar Heels break.

7) (Ramses the Ram, Tar Heel Mascot) Is this your last job?

2005-07-14T20:55:00.000-04:00

Well, good question--I figure I'll work 27 more years, so it seems unlikely I won't change jobs again.
Still, I sure would like to get one of those chairs folks get for 25 years of service.

I certaintly don't intend to go anywhere until my oldest three children finish high school.

6) (submitted by my conscience; referring to item [3]) You're a Christian. Shouldn't you cut that out?

2005-07-12T07:57:00.000-04:00

I'm working on it. Seriously.

5) (comment to self) Has anything in this been affirming?

2005-07-12T07:56:00.000-04:00

Yes, I've been surprised by how loyal people seem to be and how many people seem sorry to see me go, especially staff and junior people.
To hell with rest of them. (Sorry--just being honest.)

4) (question to self) Have you learned anything from all these moves?

2005-07-12T07:55:00.000-04:00

Yes, tell as few people as you can that you're leaving. Then go. Keep the transition period as short as possible. When you decide to go, just go, and keep a very low profile.

3) (submitted by wife) Why are people mad at you?

2005-07-12T07:39:00.000-04:00

Truth be told, I'm probably annoying. I expect other people to work as hard as I do, which they generally don't want to do. I'm also rather frank. I also don't take a lot of crap from my superiors. I expect them not to yell at me, and when they do, I fight back. I don't like bullies. I would add that junior people whom I try to protect view my assertiveness as my strong suit.

I also think that once one decides the leave, colleagues stop biting their tongues and feel free to vent. One thing you can say about me, if I'm unhappy with you, I'm not going to wait for you to leave to let you know. (Hopefully, though, if you're doing something well, I'll tell you that, too.)

I would add that having high standards doesn't always make friends, either. When I got here, senior faculty were telling junior people to write two papers per year. That was a recipe for being on the job market after tenure review. I told them they should write 4 to 5 and told the senior faculty they should take the lead. Raising the bar probably didn't endear me to anyone.

Another part of this is that the moment one takes another job, there is an inherent conflict of interest between a faculty member and his soon-to-be-former department--namely, the latter wants to get its collective hands on the financial and other resources of the former. (I would note that I did manage to escape relatively unscathed financially this time around, though I ain't out of here yet. (My current chair asked that I clarify this--and not very nicely (see reference to stinker e-mails below), I might add. My center director, Linda Collins, has been just great.) I really got screwed on one of my moves.

I also think when you leave a place, the folks left behind always feel a sense of rejection.

Finally, though, I would have to admit that while I didn't invent the inflammatory e-mail, I've perfected it. In my own defense, I would note that no one ever seems to remember the stinky e-mails people send me. I could quote some here, but that would only throw gas on the fire. (I think a fair question, posed by Mr. Cynic, would be, "Gee, when the heck did that slow you down in the past?")

2) (submitted by colleagues) I thought you liked Penn State?

2005-07-12T07:38:00.000-04:00

There were very few places for which I would have left Penn State. A couple of them came calling.
At the same time, I have to admit that I don't feel a lot of loyalty to my employer. I look at what universities do to the junior faculty, and my sense is that it is every man/woman for him-/herself. (If it were up to me, I would fire the senior faculty when a person doesn't make tenure because generally (1) they hired the wrong person in the first place and (2) they didn't provide support/guidance.)

1) (submitted by my children) Why have we moved so many times? Why can't you keep a job?

2005-07-12T07:37:00.001-04:00

This is a good question. I guess I would say that this change is the first one I've made where I've moved from a good situation to a better one. My other moves had more of the flavor of an "escape". I left Vanderbilt because they eliminated my department. I left Georgia State because (a) Atlanta is a paved hell-hole and (b) the limitations of a lower-status university were greater than I anticipated. I was really having problems getting my research funded.

FAQ

Why the death penalty is an abomination before God--

So, where is MIke?

Why I still Believe in Christmas

House G.O.P. Leader Signals He’s Open to Obama Tax Cut - NYTimes.com

What are you six rules for your kids going to college?

I'm genuinely befuddled--what is the big deal with gay marriage?

45) Why is the death penalty wrong even for Malvo and KSH?

41) What do you want to be when you grow up?

40) What is a good mentor? (in progress)

39) in what ways has cancer changed your thinking?

38) [Barack O] Is america post-racial?

37) [Andrew Young] What does Obama's election mean to you?

35) How can I make more effective use of e-mail?

33) If you were going to Brokeback mountain, with whom would you go (part II)?

32) If I have a vacant look on my face, what should you do?

31) [Hillary Clinton] So, how's the health care system working?

30) God, Heart Attacks and Cancer

29) Did you really have a heart attack? Are you kidding?

HBO: Ghosts of Abu Ghraib

28) Can George Bush get any dumber?

27) [Mollie Ivins] "What do you mean cancer is a gift. You're as a dumb as Shrub. Cancer just killed me. Some gift."

26) [Bill Maher] "Why would a sensible person like yourself believe in a fairy tale like Christmas?"

25) [Dubya] "You were quoted as saying that 'I'm a lot like Don Rumsfield'. I'm a little surprised."

24) [time to go back to being silly] If the cancer comes back, and you have to be reincarnated, who would you be?

23) What's on your ipod these days?

22) What's your current status??

21) [Mariah Carey] if they had a make-a-wish foundation for middle-aged men, what would you do?

20) [St. Bonaventure] It seems that you don't believe that God sends cancer and other suffering to teach us lessons. Whta kind of heretic are you?

August Cancer Survivor of the Month

19) [Eeyore] I'm really suspicious of perky people. I think your positive attitude about the cancer is a big act. Come on--let out the negative

18) In scrapping with the Beast, was there anything that you found really helpful?

more on question 16

18) [McGruff the crime dog, noted prevention scientist] I heard you left the "CPPRG". What did you do, act up one too many times?"

17) (George Bush) I know I never make mistakes, but since you're turning 44 and have cancer, any mistakes you'd like admit?

ok, so here's the new look

16) I heard you have cancer. How's that going?

15) [Truman Capote asks] If you were going to Brokeback Mountain, with whom would you live?

14) Boy, you sure have been cranky lately. What is it with you and psychologists?

13) [Paul Hewitt (DBA Bono)] I can't believe I'm not your person of the year. Who'd you pick?

12) [Carlson Tucker] Who is America's greatest pundit?

11) [posted by Billy Joel] What's on your IPOD?

10) [Submitted by Randy Macho Man Savage] You've indicated that it's embarrassing being a man. Are you trying to tell me something?

9) (posted by a Bhuddist) You've been telling people, "I ended up where I should have been in the first place". What does that mean?

8) (Roy Williams, Tar Heel coach) When you moved to PSU, the football team went in the toilet. Are bad things in store for the bball program?

7) (Ramses the Ram, Tar Heel Mascot) Is this your last job?

6) (submitted by my conscience; referring to item [3]) You're a Christian. Shouldn't you cut that out?

5) (comment to self) Has anything in this been affirming?

4) (question to self) Have you learned anything from all these moves?

3) (submitted by wife) Why are people mad at you?

2) (submitted by colleagues) I thought you liked Penn State?

1) (submitted by my children) Why have we moved so many times? Why can't you keep a job?