31) [Hillary Clinton] So, how's the health care system working?

"I want what that bastard Dick Cheney got--nothing can kill that sob"--me (I did tell the nurse that.)

Pretty well, I think, given I have health insurance. All in all, our system functions better than advertised. How can I say that?


- the state health insurance, which is not terribly generous, covered my care in Seattle just fine. Of course, I had to pay my living expenses out there, but maybe it's just too much to expect the government to pay for folks to travel across the country for care. In the end, life is just unfair. Think about those poor souls in my situation in Zambia. (Of course, they probably would have died already for some preventable malady.)

A poor person might have gotten my care if they had stayed in the Ronald McDonald house. A bigger barrier, however, was likely their job--most people just couldn't have knocked off work for three months (and gotten paid). (I did work some, but that's because I'm odd.)

- It was not clear initially, however, that the insruance was going to pay. The folks in Seattle would have treated me anyway. They indicated that "we have a unique facility
, and we have it to treat people like you. We'll work out something on the money."

- A key feature of my care is that I had the tumor out and the site radiated in two-three months. That just wouldn't happen in a lot of countries. And it would have made a big difference--my cancer might have gotten in my brain. Bad news.

- America is no doubt a lousy place to break your arm. But when I went to the ER, I moved to the front of the line and immediately had an EKG. How else could we ration health care?

- In my opinion, our health care really stinks when you're on the wrong side of some broad decision by a health insurer. For example, the lack of parity in mental health coverage springs to mind. It's completely arbitrary and bigoted (and about to fixed!).

30) God, Heart Attacks and Cancer

Anyway you slice it, my health problems could have ended up much worse. As my sister said, I'm either the most lucky or most unlucky person in the world. This issue has called into question the possibility that "luck" is not responsible. As I explain, I find the notion that God manipulated events disturbing.

So, here's some statements that I've heard or thoughts I've had and my level of comfort with them.

1) "In his love, God has done his works and in his love, he has made all things beneficial to me."

Let's start with the latter statement.

comfort level [CL]: 10
Like I've said, I hate to admit it but I've really benefited from what I've been through.

2) "In his love, God has done his works"
CL [before]: 0
CL [after]: 5

Of course, I agree with the statement--the question is really whether the cancer was caused by God as a learning tool.

Before this happened, I would have said "no way" to this one.
I would have argued that God had other tools with which to teach us these lessons. On the back side of these problems, however, I would say that there's no teacher like adversity. Really, I'm sure God was trying to get my attention, but other methods didn't work.

Now, did God cause my cancer? Maybe.

19Nov -- down to 1 or 2 -- I just don't think God manipulates events, except through the choices of people.

3) God has helped me with getting good treatment.
CL: 10

Absolutely. I was very much at peace in discussing treatment options with my docs, and I think these discussions led to my treatment. I was very much at peace when I asked the opthamologist (as he was about to send me out the door), "Gee, don't you have some way to measure how far my eye was buldging out of the socket". The doc got out his bulgometer and that lead directly to his finding my cancer early.

4) God delayed my heart attack until I could get home from Africa.
CL: I just don't know. If I had had the heart attack in Africa, it would have been really bad. I probably would have said, "I'll just look into this when I get home".

19 Nov: 0%
29 Jan: 0%
Just seems too much like the prosperity gospel. Yuk.
19 April : still 0%. It just seems like if God is going to heal me, then he might as well make me rich.

5) God sent me panic attacks three years ago so I'd be ready for these problems.
CL: I just don't know

Honestly, the panic attacks were the worst of all these problems, but I did learn a lot about controlling emotions. I benefited so much from what I learned as part of that process. Otherwise, I would have had a lot of problems laying in the MRI tube, laying 14' off the floor on a little table getting radiation, getting angioplasty while I was awake. Goodness, I would have run from the room screaming had I not been through the panic attacks, I think.

29) Did you really have a heart attack? Are you kidding?

Yep, I really did.

I'm only 45 but , it's not as shocking as you might think--my family history is really bad. A bunch--and I mean a bunch--of my close relatives had MI's in their 40s and 50s. So, unlike the cancer, I could imagine myself sitting in the hospital for heart surgery and the like.

I really lucked out, though--this attack was caused by a small blockage that caused little damage. but the docs found a 98% blockage in the major artery that fuels 2/3rds of the heart. (They call that artery the "widowmaker". Yikes!)

So, the docs added 2 stents. And I feel just great! I guess the blockage was bothering me more than I realized.

That's one problem with avoiding these problems. The docs say "if you have really bad chest pain, go right to the hospital". Well, how bad is "really bad"? And they say, "if the pain radiates...". Well, I had pain in my wrist but none at all in my shoulder, and none in my neck or jaw. I also realize now that I've had tightness in my chest for a long time--now that it's gone. But if you'd have asked me a couple of weeks ago, I would have said, "No, I feel normal". Well, normal is defined according to how you've felt.

So, it wasn't clear what I should do when I had bad chest pain. Thankfully, I erred on the side of caution. I figured the worst thing that could happen would be that the docs would say "You silly guy, you're not having a heart attack, you just need to burp!"